RHOV Recap: Fashion Nightmare

After we left Mary in "Crazy Town" last episode, many were wondering who would be left on her side.  Even Christina walked out on her, though she said she just wanted to escape the drama.  She may have created more of it by leaving than by staying....

We soon found out the status of Mary and Christina's friendship as they headed up for a catch up at the beach (note:  since when is drinking champagne on a Vancouver beach legal?  if it is legal now, sign me up!).  They started off talking about Ronnie's aggressive behaviour, which they attributed to her hitting the sauce a bit too much lately.  Probably true, I mean the lady owns a winery for goodness sake!  Mary did also ask Christina about why she left that fateful night at the Keefer hotel, but in the end forgave Christina for wavering.  It was a sweet scene, but kind of boring.

On to Jody and Ronnie...their conversation about that night was much more interesting.  Basically it was Mary-bashing time:  Mary's violent, Mary's below the belt for calling Ronnie a drunk, Mary's old, Mary's jealous.  Jody doesn't seem to have ever been a Mary fan, so she was perfect to add fuel to Ronnie's already raging fire.  I smell another confrontation between M & R brewing...

Reiko again showed us why when don't want to mess with her.  She invited Christina to her "dojang" (?) for a workout.  Christina being the party girl she is, showed up majorly hungover, but kept up pretty good with Reiko.  After the workout they went for coffee, where again we saw a rehashing of the night at the Keefer.  It was clear that Reiko's on Team Ronnie and Christina's on Team Mary, because they both had different recollections of what happened that night.  Thankfully they both channeled their inner "Switzerland" and agreed to disagree.  Which was nice.  Not sure this show needs another feud...though we all know Reiko would kick sweet Christina's ass.

We later ended up (again) at Ronnie's palatial estate in West Vancouver, where we witnessed her classiness in full action: drinking red wine through a straw.  A straw, people!  Real red wine connoisseurs would probably choke at the thought, and then want to choke Ronnie when they hear that this lady owns a vineyard.   Sad, but true, my red-wine loving friends.   Anyway, the real point of the scene was that Ronnie was discussing a potential name for the winery with her son:  she wants to call it "Rehab".   Um...no comment.

Then we saw Reiko, Mary and Christina head out for a bike ride for no conceivable reason other than it was a way to get Reiko and Mary together in a scene so Reiko could invite her to the fashion show.  Not sure what the point of the biking scenes were, except to show that the three of them pissed off every biker in all of Stanley Park that day for not paying attention to the signs and that clearly they didn't care about this anyway.  The funniest part of the bike ride was Reiko's comments about Christina's biking skills, including: "Christina just looks like she's in a tampon commercial or something." and "Christina will ride anything in a dress.  A bike, a horse, a guy." Hilarious.  Post-bike meal, Reiko invited the other two ladies to the luxury car show fashion show she was walking in, but warned Mary that Ronnie would be there.  Of course it wouldn't be an episode of the Real Housewives of Vancouver without some drama at the tail end of the show, after a massive buildup to said drama.  The formula for every episode of RHOV so far continues...

We had to wait a bit more for the drama, so meanwhile we saw Reiko practicing her model walk with her stage mom criticizing nearby.   We also saw Ronnie and her "genius" son meeting with consultants about marketing for her winery.   There wasn't much to say except that they are both clearly amateurs at this.  There were a lot of bewildered looks on the consultant's faces and rightly so.  Ronnie completely embarrassed herself and looked like the classic trophy wife who just needed a fun project to spend her husband's money on.  Which she is.   Moving on....

Looks like Christina did go on a date or dates with David, who met last week and happens to be Mary's neighbour.  He totally seemed serious when he said his dream life would be to be to come back as a female bike seat.  WTF???  Thankfully he was kidding and actually seems normal.  Not exactly the man I'd picture self-confessed "gold-digger" Christina with, but maybe she's trying to change her image.

From Canada.com

Finally we arrived at the day of Reiko's debut on the runway.  She had a classic case of the nerves, but like everything we see Reiko do on this show, she mastered it.  In the front row, the drama simmered below the surface and we were treated to some clearly racist comments from Ronnie about the height of some of the Asian models.  Seriously, does she come loaded to every event?  Who says stuff like that?!?  After the show was a the after party, where Reiko basked in the afterglow of her runway success.  Jody so cleverly decided she wanted to drink a "bloody Mary" when deciding her drink choice.  Not clever or funny at all in fact, but mean Queen Jody is clearly back after a brief hiatus last week. 

When Mary finally crossed paths with Ronnie, Jody and Reiko, the three of them left the area "tout de suite".  In the end, there was no confrontation, but the scene spoke volumes.  This time Christina "stood strong" with her friend Mary and unfortunately Reiko has clearly sided with Team Ronnie.  Lines are drawn in the sand even deeper and Mary has thrown down the gauntlet: she wants to win the war.   Good luck Mary!  I don't think there is any point in arguing with two people as misguided and delusional as Jody and Ronnie, but I bet it will make for some interesting tv!

RHOV Recap: Crazy Town

I'm a little late on the recap, but here it is!  Episode 5 of the Real Housewives of Canada was a lot of buildup to one event at the end of the show, AGAIN.  Kind of getting tired of this formula, but I must watch anyway!

The episode started as per normal with the ladies separately getting together to gossip about each other (Jody & Ronnie, Mary & Christina), and the lone neutral 'wife Reiko showing off her awesome cars and awesome model walk.  Mary and Ronnie continued to battle about their text war, and Christina decided to make the bold move to skip Ronnie's ladies tennis get together in order to back up Mary.  A brave choice but not with out consequences as we will see later on.

To both their credit, Mary and Ronnie did try to bury the hatchet over a glass of wine during this episode. Unfortunately, Ronnie showed up to the reconciliation loaded as all hell, and slurring her words.  It was a mish-mash of love and hate, as no sooner had the ladies decide to make a toast to their 17 year old friendship, the toast was interrupted by more bickering.  It was really one of the most bizarre things I've seen on this show.  What we did all learn is that these two have put their friendship through the ringer over the years and were't going to let some scathing text messages get in their way.  Or so they declared at that particular moment over that particular glass (bottle? bottles?) of wine.

Reiko modelling with some hot cars (via The Province)

The awesomeness of Reiko's life was on full display this episode, again.  Good thing she's smart enough to come across as humble and self-deprecating on television, cause otherwise it would be pretty damn annoying to all us regular, not-rich folks after a while.  Not only did Reiko get to enter 3, count them THREE, of her hot-ass cars in an exclusive looking car show (and says my brother, it actually is exclusive), but she got to model designer clothes in a photo shot promoting the car show.  I am pretty sure, after watching her practice walking the runway for the upcoming fashion show as well as model designer clothes, that Reiko is my girl crush.  She's attractive, smart, level-headed and carefree.  I am as surprised about this as you are, trust me.  I had Reiko pegged as the typical trophy wife from the press releases and previews before the show aired, but I guess looks really are deceiving!

After Reiko rocked the car show photo shoot, came the drama.  It all started with Mary's photo shoot for her scarf line (again, with the photo shoots, but Mary's was not as hot as Reiko's).  Basically, Mary's scarf line is some over priced knits and inexplicable yards of tulle that you can tie in bows or wrap around and around you.  I can't really see these pieces being stocked at Holt Renfrew anytime soon, but then again, I've been wrong before and I will probably be wrong again.

Once the photo shoot was over, Mary decide what better thing to do that invite the big 'ol happy RHOV family over to the rented penthouse where the shoot took place to celebrate her success.  She was imagining a tame affair, but boy was she wrong.  Jody immediately began pushing Mary's buttons and commenting about Christina's overt sexuality (which again, if she puts it out there herself, is kind of fair game don't you think?).  Jody tied one of Mary's precious scarves around Christina's eyes and began making dirty blindfold jokes.  Then Ronnie stepped up the drama at notch by calling Christina out for not coming to her tennis party.  Christina was straight up with her as to why she didn't come (cause she's on Team Mary), but seemed to waver a bit in delivering her pro- Mary stance.  Then Ronnie got into it with Mary again, asking why she would show her text messages to both Jody and Christina (to try to get them on her side.  DUH Ronnie! Have you never seen an episode of any of the Real Housewives?  Come on!).  Those were fighting words, and Mary, to her credit, was not backing down.  She tossed Ronnie out of the suite and the others followed suit, including....Christina!  And with no explanation at all, leaving Mary to lick her wounds on her own.  Little Miss C might not be so pro-Mary it seems?  Guess we'll hear more on that next episode, when Mary tries to down play her "crazy" reputation and Reiko walks the runway at the car show fashion presentation.  

Best line of the night is from Jody, commenting on Mary's "crazy" outburst (via Canada.com):

RHOV Recap: The Peacemaker

Tonight's episode of RHOV featured the sword swinging, martial arts champion, speedster Reiko trying to be the peacemaker.  Something tells me these ladies wouldn't get along with each other even if she threatened to beat them up, but she did have some small successes.  More on that later on.

Reiko Mackenzie in her hot ride.

The episode was generally pretty tame to start.  Reiko and Jody went racing in one of Reiko's hot cars at a track, which Jody was shocked to discover had a port-a-potty.  Best line of the night came early on from Reiko: "Apparently the Queen does not care for a plastic throne." HA!  Reiko is really growing on me.  She's funny, has interest other than creating nonsense drama and she could probably kick anyone's ass both on the street and in her hot ride.  Gotta give Jody props for trying to live up to Reiko's speed demon way, but she could not keep up.


Mary and Christina met up to discuss Christina's ill-fated coffee date with Jody, where she ended up in tears.  Mary as always was sweet and supportive, revealing that she was planning her own meet-up with Mean Queen Jody.  Christina again declared that she would not take being bullied by Jody any longer.   We will see how that works for her later.

Jody Claman dishing on lunch with Mary.

Jody and Mary's lunch started with Mary rattling off all the business and successes in her life, which was a bit awkward.  It got more awkward when Jody suggested that Mary sing jingles.  Yes, she suggested to a 6 time number one single (on the Canadian charts) artist to sing jingles.  Nice work Jody, but as we see later in the episode Mary decides to try to launch a new single instead.  Good move Mary.  The ladies also discussed Ronnie's continued text battle with Mary.  Ronnie is still pissed about how Mary did not stop her from over-drinking at past events and she felt Mary was being a bad friend.  Jody made an interesting point that perhaps Ronnie feels Mary owes her for being the shoulder Mary cried on after her latest break up.  I think there is probably a lot of truth in that and Ronnie pretty much confirmed this in the next scenes.

Next we saw Ronnie playing tennis with her niece (who for some reason looks up to Ronnie.  I guess we all have to have a standard to try to achieve to, right?), after which Ronnie decide why not make a RHOV tennis date and duke it out on the court?  Good idea Ronnie.  Give these ladies rackets and balls and let them figure out their differences that way.  Then we'll see who comes out on top.  Interestingly, Ronnie did talk about how she wasn't sure if her relationship with Mary was worth saving, but that being so close as friends can make tension that much more strong.  Good poin and I can say from my own experience, when you see your best friend put herself in such emotionally precarious situations time after time, it does take a toll on your friendship, especially if you are close.  When someone you love like a sister continually puts herself in a position to get hurt and looks to you to help deal with the aftermath, it does become tiring and make you wonder why you bother to help pick up the pieces when nothing you say will help prevent the situation from coming up again.

Anyway, I digress.  After Mary's Lebanese costume party, Mia's extravagant birthday bash and Reiko's gathering of the mommies and their little girls, came the big event:  Reiko's peacemaking dinner at Coast.  It seemed as if Christina was bulking up her emotional and physical strength in anticipation of this dinner, as earlier in the episode we saw her both doing kickboxing and going to therapy.   A nice well-rounded preparation sequence for a RHOV drama filled dinner, in my eyes!   Christina has obviously been doing her RH homework!

Reiko's goal of fixing Mary-Ronnie, Jody-Christina, Ronnie-Christina during dinner didn't start out so well.  First off, Mary bailed, but instead of calling former BFF Ronnie, she called new BFF Christina which did not sit well with Ronnie.  Then, Jody declared that Christina needed to address their last conversation in a "polite manner".  Um bossy, much?  Jody's daughter Mia came up in conversation next and Christina kindly owned up to and apologized about bringing up this in the first place.  Not exactly the attack on Jody she seemed to be gearing up for prior to dinner, but I guess there is always the option to "kill them with kindness".  Christina's apology seemed to clear the air a little bit, enough for Jody to declare that she "loves Christina and anyone that apologizes to her".  Hmm quick turn of opinion, a bit too quick don't you think?  I can't see this lasting long...

RHOV Recap: No Regrets?

Episode 3 of the Real Housewives of Vancouver began with Christina dealing with the aftermath of her 30th birthday party.  If you don't remember, it was like Housewives gone wild.  Or more specifically, housewife gone wild, because it was Christina alone getting down and dirty in some skimpy underwear and a t-shirt with "Golddigger" written across the front.  And courtesy of Ronnie, who was the only other 'wife left, this magic moment was captured for all to see.  Don't you love "friends" who set you up for regretting your drunken antics by recording and sharing the evidence?

When the episode began, we found Christina looking absolutely the most normal we've seen her so far...hungover on the morning after her birthday.  See, these housewives are "real" after all!  Anyway, the memories of the night soon came flooding back, and later in the episode, Jody would take her to task for her lack of discretion.  But more on that later...

Speaking of mean Queen Jody, she and Reiko dished about the birthday party over a spa date.  Nothing too exciting or shocking was said, but what stood out is that Jody stays young through whale sperm facials.  That's right, she puts whale sperm on her face.  And apparently, Reiko is game for this as long as keeps her looking as young as mean Queen Jody.  Because who doesn't want to model themselves over an over the hill, nosy, uppity muffin maker?    I actually kind of like Reiko - she still has some down to earth elements in her but you know you can't walk all over her like you could some of the other housewives (ahem, Mary!).  It's too bad she's so connected to the dark side (aka Jody & Ronnie), but maybe she'll see the light and move over to Team Mary?  One can only hope.

Ronnie giving Mary and her scarves the kiss-off

Meanwhile, Ronnie continued to build her case as Mary's best frenemy by showing up half-drunk at Mary's meeting about her new scarf line.  Besides the obvious comments that one could make about another person making more scarves (seriously, those things are everywhere!  Mary, where's the profit in that?), Ronnie was clearly unsupportive of and uninterested in Mary's new venture.  And I'm not quite sure why if Mary saw this coming, she didn't try to prevent Ronnie from coming to the studio.  Mary, being sweet is great if you are 14, but guess what, you're 48!  You gotta grow a backbone soon, girl!  Ronnie is running all over your life right now.

The episode continued on showing more of Jody's day to day as a caterer and boutique owner.  This featured a lot of her daughter Mia, who judging by the previews for the rest of the seaon, will continue to be a thorn in Christina's side.   There is something between them for sure, we just haven't seen the details yet.  Speaking of Christina, she and Mary met for drinks and through their conversation we discovered that Ronnie is blaming Mary for her over-drinking at Christina's party as well as at the studio scarf line meeting.   And not even doing it face to face - they are in a full on text message battle about this.  Is that not a sign of an alcoholic?  I wonder if we will see Ronnie go back to rehab...apparently she was there for real, though last episode it felt like she was joking about this.

In any case, whether she's drunk, bitter or both, Ronnie continued her reign of terror by not only showing her children Christina's drunken birthday party photos (!!!!), but when one of them asked if Christina might mind if she forwarded them on, her reply was that why would someone pose for said pictures if they didn't want them forwarded?  Clearly, logic AND friendship are not Ronnie's strong points.  Not to mention parenting.  Who shows their children things like that?  Honestly, Ronnie's flippant behaviour about the photos is not surprising, but disgusting nonetheless.  To describe Ronnie as a "person" after seeing that exchange with her kids would be stretching the definition of someone who actually has a soul.


So, with pictures forwarded on, both Ronnie and Reiko shared with us their workout routines.  Ronnie isn't much to mess with, but Reiko?  Umm wow!  All I can say is she may look pretty, but this girl could kick anyone's ass.   Including mine.  Note to self:  only say nice things about Reiko on this blog.

We saw more of Jody and her daughter Mia, which begs the question who really cares this much about Mia?  Can we skip the mother daughter passive agressive moments?  Please.  We also saw more of Ronnie's home as she tourned Reiko and Jody around her massive estates before she started renovations.  This included a peek into her husband's man cave that includes a rock climbing wall and nearly naked photos of Ronnie.  Classy joint, huh?

The girls then dished more about Christina's pictures, and Jody got on her high horse AGAIN.  Big surprise.  She also declared that she needed to confront Christina about that behaviour.  I'm sorry, but is Jody secretly Christina's mom??  What gives her the right to confront someone that is not even a friend about anything?  Seriously Jody, don't you have a life of your own? Despite this being obvious to everyone, Ronnie of course encouraged Jody to take Christina to task about the birthday blowout, being the master puppeteer that she is.  What would an episode of the RHOV be if Ronnie wasn't orchastrating more drama?

Anyway, the showdown with Jody and Christina finally happened and it was fairly anti-climatic.  I really wished there was some wig pulling a la Real Housewives of Atlanta, but then again it's only Episode 3.  A girl can dream right?

The conversation started with Christina calling out Mia for her past misbehaviour.  See what I mean?  Those two have some major past history that will come out over the course of the series.  Anyway, that immediately set Jody off in mama bear mode, declaring if anything further was said about her daughter she would not hesitate to serve Christina with a lawsuit...which is the preferred method of rich people shutting down a fight, no?  The argument continued with Jody cutting down Christina further about her birthday booty shaking, but Christina held her own in firing back.  It was good to see Christina stand up to Jody, but after Jody stormed off, she lost her cool, saying "I hate that she can make me feel so small."

What I find funny is that Christina has said nothing about Ronnie passing the photos on.  Do these ladies not see the real mastermind of any drama on this show is Ronnie?  Jody defintely needs to be cut down more than a few notches, but I really want to see someone put Ronnie in her place.  I have a feeling this won't happen until the reunion when they have all seen the full season, but we can only hope.  Stay tuned for a recap of Episode 4 next week!

RHOV Recap: Bitches, Bullies and Botox

The Real Housewives of Vancouver premiered a few hours ago and the ladies did not disappoint.  There was high fashion, excessive drinking and a healthy dose of drama...three things we have grown to love about this reality show franchise.  I promised I'd recap, so here goes the longggg recap of Episodes 1 and 2.

We started off with the standard for any RH series premiere:  getting to know the ladies and seeing the excessive wealth in which they live.  Generally speaking, the Housewives are known for being "fake" wealthy, but I think these ladies are mostly true to the actual balances in their bank accounts.  Or at least 2 of them are.  Ronnie has 5 houses in one of the wealthiest postal codes in Canada, West Vancouver.  Five!  Reiko has an amazing car collection and lives in an uppity neighbourhood in Vancouver with her husband and 2 daughters (Ashanti like the singer and Alizee like the liquor).  I thought it was hilarious that she refused to divulge the "rough" suburb of Vancouver that she grew up in.  C'mon Reiko, it's Vancouver, how bad are the suburbs here for goodness sake?  It's not freaking Compton, I can tell you that!  

As for the others...well Jody owns a boutique with over priced and over the top clothing in West Vancouver.  And a muffin catering company that makes $40,000 a day (?).  Mary probably doesn't collect a lot of royalties from being a former Canadian pop star (seriously Mary, don't put that at the top of your resume) and Christina...well she claims she makes lots of money off her 2 divorces but I beg to differ.  I could have sworn that orange dress is from BCBG, and not the real BCBG...the outlet.  A true gold digger would be sporting at least some Eurotrash brand like Roberto Cavalli!

Oh Mary.  Sometimes your enemies are disguised as your friends!

After we all stopped wagging our tongues at the embarrassement of "riches" in which the ladies live, a girls trip was quickly arranged (Whistler, Nita Lake Lodge) by self proclaimed "Queen" Jody, who seriously needs to stop wearing tacky furs and tiaras.  What was that purple thing? Really Jody, less is more my dear.  Anyway when everyone got together, the claws came out so quickly I wasn't even prepared for it.  What was stranger is that these ladies really are very loosely connected, put together as a group only because they are cast on the show together.  But that actually seemed to fuel the drama even more.

It all started over lovely dinner in the private cellar at Araxi (great restaurant by the way).  Somehow we got onto the topic of Mary's recent breakup and the unfortunate fact that she's still sleeping with her ex while he's sleeping with the woman he cheated on her with that he is now in a relationship with.  Um?!?  I actually think Mary seems really sweet, so when Jody's claws came out, it was hard to watch.  Even harder to stomach was that her so called best friend Ronnie didn't even stand up for her and seemed to relish that someone else other than her was dishing out the tough love.  Mary was understandably pretty pissed about this.

Ronnie:  best friend or secret foe?

The next day, the conversation continued over lunch and Ronnie continued to sit back while Jody skewered Mary about her relationships.  Again, painful to watch and not a single person stood up for Mary.  Not cool.  I can't say for sure, but this seems like one of the few times in housewives history where everyone sat back as someone got ganged up on.  Most of the time people jump in on the bullying action or on a rare occassion start defending the "victim", but absolutely nothing from these ladies.  Not a single peep.   Jody, in her defense, didn't save all her snarkiness for Mary.  She let a few comments fly Christina's way, namely about Christina spending so much time in the bedroom that she can't breathe fresh air without choking.  Some would say this is fair game, given how Christina claims that she's not a fan of monogamy.   But Christina took offense, and felt bullied.  Maybe Jody was mortally offended that Christina ordered a round of drinks called "Trophy Wife" without asking her if she wanted to be called a "Trophy Wife"?

Episode two started with the aftermath of the Whistler trip and a bonding of the single ladies, Christina and Mary, over mean mean "Queen Jody", and planning of Christina's 30th birthday party.  The two of them went shopping for dog accessories, and later over a drink decided that they would each have to confront Jody for her actions.  And when better to do it then at Christina's birthday? 

The middle chunk of the episode was basically more lunch dates re-hashing the Whistler trip, as well as Reiko and Ronnie both being separately stood up by Christina, who it seems was insecure about turning 30.  But that quickly faded when her gay bff Kevin surprised her with a round of Botox.   Because that's what friends are for, right?  Cheering us up with injectables when we are feeling old and depressed.  

Christina, post birthday Botox.

As we continued on to Christina's birthday, Mary got up the nerve to confront Jody at the party.  When she did, it really got her nowhere, except that Jody again recommended that she go to therapy instead of purchasing more handbags to fill the emotional void one has when they are single.  I have to say, that was the best line of the night.  When Christina (finally) showed up for her party and confronted Jody, she was also told to go to therapy.  When a person does nothing but recommend you go to therapy when you confront them about their hurtful actions, something tells me that person is the one that needs to go to therapy.  Or in Jody's case, shock therapy to stop her from wearing all those effing crazy princess/queen get-ups.  

Jody seemed to either get bored with the party or the fact that everyone was paying attention to Christina, and exited the party soon after, with Mary and Reiko not far behind.  After they left, things got a little wild...!  We ended the episode with Christina in her underwear and a tee-shirt from Ronnie that said "Golddigger" across the front while Ronnie gleefully took pictures and videos of her parading around nearly naked and in various compromising positions.  Jody may be the "Queen", but it is clear that Ronnie is the shit-disturber and the real ringleader.  Bring on Episode 3!

You're Not Fooling Anyone

Most Real Housewives are pretty up front about the work they've had done and the maintenance they endure to stay young.  I'm not sure if the RH of Vancouver have been revealing about plastic surgery and injectables they use, but it's pretty safe to say that most if not all of them have partaken in some form of one or both:





I'm actually shocked that Slice would release this video.  It's very good quality and the close-ups reveal quite a few overly smooth foreheads and mysteriously plump lips.

To each their own, but I'm not sure I'm  comfortable with any of that stuff, lest I end up looking like this:

Rose McGowan was very pretty already (see left).
Now with all the plastic surgery she's had (right),  she's almost unrecognizable.

Real Housewives of Vancouver: Premiering April 4th

A few weeks back, I shared my excitement in hearing that the Real Housewives of Vancouver would be premiering soon.  Slice TV has now announced the exact date (April 4th!) and finally shared who the 5 housewives are, though the cat was out of the bag on these ladies long ago.

From left: Ronnie Negus (mom of 5, winery owner), Christina Kiesel (twice divorced self described jet-setter), Jody Claman (businesswoman and mom), Mary Zilba (former pop singer, divorced mom of 3) and Reiko MacKenzie (mom of 2, luxury car aficionado)

In honour of Canada's first Real Housewives franchise (sorry Toronto!), I will be live tweeting the premiere as well as posting a full recap on this blog.  Stay tuned for more RHOV!