I haven't been blogging much lately because there has been so much on my mind. Plus I'm in some discomfort after a car accident (I'm ok, but have a mild case of whiplash that is resulting in some sleepless nights, hence really not feeling like myself). I've been a bit of a homebody lately, which inevitably leads to thinking about the state of one's life. Or for me it does anyway. I've always been the type to analyze (and sometimes over-analyze).
I've been thinking a lot about what is truly next for me. I've been doing a great job of letting go of stresses in my life and taking the control back, whether it is in my personal or professional life. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for being so "go with the flow" as that is a quality that normally does not come natural to me. It's a great feeling and I'm glad I'm in this state of mind now, but that doesn't mean that I don't wonder what life will bring me next. I had a plan at the start of the year to quit my job and go back to school in the fall. I'm not sure if that will happen this year because of some unforeseen life events. To top it off, I'm not having much luck in the romance department, so right now I feel more than a little bit lost about "what is next".
When it comes down to it, when you are single, you are really in charge of your own life. There is something very empowering about being single, when you think of it that way. Nothing is holding you back, nothing is in the way of doing what YOU want to do and every day is a possible adventure. Pretty cool to imagine life that way.
But, I like feeling grounded most of the time so this is becoming harder and harder for me. I'm trying to build the life that I want to live, but sometimes the harder you push to make things happen the way you think they should happen, the more events come up that make you wonder if the universe is trying to push you in a different direction.
I realize that this makes me sound like someone who can't make a decision...and maybe I am. I'm afraid to make the "wrong" decision and screw everything up. But, I guess if I don't make any decision at all, life will never change the way I want it to, and I'll end up living a life carved out only by the things that happen to me, not the things I make happen for myself.
So what do I really do next? I think it's time to really map things out and decide what I want...then just go for it! If I fail, at least I have tried. And if I succeed? Well, I will probably wonder why I didn't take that risk a long time ago. Wish me luck!